Black Surrender (A Kelly Black Affair Book 7) Page 4

  I asked myself if it was in my head. Or was it something more? Like an addiction where I had to hit harder than the time before to feel the effects.

  Opening my purse, I dug out my wallet. Feeling embarrassed, I glanced to the door before fishing out the business card I was hoping to hook. Then, once I knew I was alone, I pulled it out and flipped it between my fingers.

  My heart drummed in my ears.

  An utter lack of self-confidence filled my insides with regrettable shame.

  I still couldn’t believe that I was even thinking of seeing a psychotherapist. I doubted it would help, but now I questioned if I could move on without it.

  Alex had suggested it—and would still encourage me to go if I told her I was even thinking about making an appointment. A part of me knew it was time. I couldn’t get better without help. Madam might be gone, but the consequences of what she’d done to destroy my confidence was lasting.

  Thinking I heard Kelly coming, I held my breath and listened. It was a false alarm. I could still hear Kelly stomping around in the front. Quickly, I dialed the number into my new cell and saved it for later.

  A minute passed before I was washing last night’s sweat off beneath a punishing stream of water. The heat poured over me and opened up my pores.

  I could talk with Kelly about my problems, but he didn’t deserve to receive the full force of them. It was a dull edge that cut deep. And, besides, it would only open up new challenges when we already had enough mending of fences to move forward. I had to do this alone—suffer through the puzzle of figuring out what I was, who I wanted to be, or why I did the things I did with the guidance of a neutral stranger. Only then would I be able to give myself fully to Kelly.

  I wiped the shower window and peered to the bathroom door with hope that Kelly would soon join me.

  Would I be able to open up to a therapist? Or would I shut down and decide it wasn’t worth it? Alex wanted me to talk about my rape and triggers, but now there was so much more than just that. It could all ruin me if I let it grow into something more dangerous.

  Shaving my pits and legs, I glanced to my bush. “You have to do something about that,” I said to myself, completely embarrassed Kelly had his mouth on it at all. I had let myself go, and the least I could do for him—to show him that I still cared—was to make an appointment with the aesthetician.

  I turned off the shower, deciding I didn’t want Kelly to see me like this now that it was light.

  “Breakfast just arrived,” he called, hearing the shower trickle to a stop.

  “Be out in a minute,” I answered.

  After a quick brush of my hair, I slipped on a fresh pair of lace lingerie and gave my face a bit of touch up before stepping into a sexy black dress with a killer slit up the thigh.

  When I met Kelly at the kitchen table, he stood with wide amazed eyes. “You sure do know how to kill a man.”

  I spun around, making him laugh. Though the shower left me feeling fresh, and the choice of dress filled me with confidence and made me feel sexy, it didn’t match the way I felt inside. I was still insecure about my performance in bed.

  Kelly stepped toward me. Smoothing his hands down my arms, he bent and crashed his lips over mine. The kiss was sizzling hot and I liked how he seemed to forget everything I’d admitted to him last night. It was certainly one of his best qualities—moving past the same subjects I let fester and ruin me so quickly.

  “Smells delicious,” I said.

  “You taste amazing.” He pulled my seat out and lowered me down to the table.

  Curling my lips over the coffee cup’s rim, I savored the warm flavors that I knew would give me the energy to carry out my day. Kelly made me a plate of food and set it down in front of me.

  “I thought, after we eat, we could head to the office and begin squaring away the paperwork to dismiss your case.” He mixed his granola and yogurt. “Besides,” he lifted his eyes to me, “I need to put what’s left of my office back together.”

  I swallowed my bite of egg. “If you’re not being charged with a crime, why can’t they just give your things back?”

  Kelly paused. The need to bring justice to Maria, Mario, and Tonya—not to forget Kelly’s family—still burned in his eyes. The man was unsettled, filled with ambition, and though he would never admit it himself, things weren’t finished yet.

  “You’re not worried about me, are you?”

  “Of course I am.” My voice lifted higher.

  He set his fork down and grinned. “I’m fine.”

  “Then why don’t they give your things back?”

  He took a drink of his orange juice. “They’re sifting through what evidence they can use against Madam and Oscar. Most likely, I’ll be subpoenaed and made a witness just like you.”

  I stopped chewing.

  Kelly stared back with pinched brows. “What is it?”

  “I can’t go with you.”

  He cocked his head to the side.

  “It’s not my place. The office is yours.”

  He leaned back in his seat and wiped his mouth with a cloth napkin. “Is it something I said?”

  “No.” I lowered my gaze. “It’s just that you don’t really need me there and I should see Alex, let her know I’m okay.”

  Kelly continued to stare.

  I needed to move past all this. It was no longer my concern, at least not until Madam’s trial. “I hope you understand?”

  “As long as that’s all this is.”

  “It is.” I pushed my plate to the side. “What else would it be?” I asked, holding my breath.

  After a moment of silence, Kelly finally admitted, “I’m not in love with the idea of parting ways, even if it’s only a few hours a day.”

  “I know.” I sighed.

  “Then let me at least tell Maxwell he’ll be driving you to wherever you need to go.”

  Extending my arm, I reached across the table asking for his hand. He set his inside mine. I smiled and said, “I was hoping I could drive myself.”

  He arched a brow.

  “I have my license, you know.”

  Kelly’s chest expanded just before he let out a heavy sigh. “Okay. You can take the Audi.”

  My smile touched my eyes. “Like you said, it’s over. There is nothing for you to worry about.”

  8

  Kendra

  My foot eased off the clutch.

  The frontend of the car sputtered to a sudden stop.

  Kelly folded his arms over his chest and arched his brow.

  Waves of heat moved up my neck as I turned the key and tried for a second time. The wheels squeaked before the engine stalled, lurching my body forward.

  “Give it more gas,” Kelly said into my window, a knowing smirk pulling his lips.

  “Just a little rusty, is all.” I inhaled a deep breath, pretended Kelly wasn’t watching and my cheeks weren’t glowing pink with embarrassment. It had been forever since I’d driven last but I learned on a clutch and knew that I could get the feel of it again.

  On the third try, I put more into the gas and burned rubber away from the hotel parking lot leaving Kelly to breathe my exhaust. Not bothering to stop, I glanced to the rearview mirror to find Kelly tossing his head back laughing. Clapping his hands, I watched his large frame shrink as I departed.

  “I told you I could drive.” I snickered and shifted gears before bringing both hands to the wheel.

  I couldn’t believe he’d given me his keys. God knew if it were my car I wouldn’t let just anybody drive without first proving they were capable. But that was what made Kelly so great. He trusted me unconditionally and made me wish that I had the same qualities I found so attractive in him.

  I circled the block, getting a feel for how the vehicle drove before pulling to the side of the street and stopping to double check the address.

  Digging for my phone, I pulled up the map. I punched in the coordinates and let it direct me to where I needed to go. Double-checking for oncomi
ng traffic, I hit the gas and let it rip. Nearly stalling, the car sputtered and a car honked as they slammed on the brakes. I waved my apologies and cursed before finding my groove.

  Shedding the initial fears of wrecking Kelly’s car, it didn’t take me long to relax into my ride—the first gear always being the most difficult.

  I knew Kelly wasn’t completely comfortable with letting me go alone. But he didn’t fight it, either. Again, it was that trust he had in me that he made look so easy, and the reason why I knew I needed to seek help in bringing me back to living in a world I didn’t fear.

  The miles slipped by as the wind blew my hair across my face.

  Driving felt weird, like I didn’t belong. Yet it was empowering at the same time. Gave me the freedom to explore the world in solitude.

  There was so much on my mind—tons more in my heart. By the time I arrived, I parked in the back corner and hesitated to get out and face the truth. Angling the rearview mirror on my face, I stared into the eyes of a woman I didn’t recognize. The eyes were heavier, darker. No more spark and spunk I remembered from only weeks ago. The flame had died and there was nothing I wanted more than to get the fire back—take charge of my life and have the control to make good fortunes come my way.

  “You can do this,” I said, staring.

  It was always easier said than done. Theory made the world seem easy. It was outside the classroom where life’s calculations were tested and proven. Today was one of those days.

  Falling back into the seat, I rounded my lips and blew out a heavy sigh. “Where to begin?”

  What person did I want to march through those doors and demand to be? Was it a girl who had been raped by her uncle, abused by her parents? Or was it a grown woman having to make the case that the inheritance given to her was respectfully hers to keep?

  I faceplanted into my palms.

  Scrubbing my hands over my face, I groaned.

  Perhaps the real reason I decided to come here was because I had actually thought about killing myself and I feared what the stress of having to testify in court against Madam might do to my mental stability. Or lack thereof.

  Fingering the black diamond necklace hanging around my neck, I thought about Kelly.

  I didn’t want him to be the reason I went seeking outside help, but if I was being honest with myself, I knew it to be true.

  Our relationship was anything but normal. So much had happened in such a short amount of time. And the fact that I couldn’t climax had me feeling inadequate, like it was my fault for the lack of release I was experiencing.

  Filling my lungs, I opened the door and stepped out. Moving toward the building’s entrance, I fluffed my hair and kept my head up.

  A tunnel closed around my vision.

  Hiding behind dark tinted sunglasses, I floated inside with a jittery heart.

  Before I knew it, I was inside the waiting room, staring at the décor on the wall. There was an oil painting of birds flying above calm seas. Bright goldfish swam next to tropical green plants, and the large name plaque of Dr. Mikayla Hall hung proudly for all to see.

  “Good morning,” a pleasant voice greeted me.

  I blinked and my ears cleared. Glancing to the desk, her smile shined next to a perfectly framed curtain of straight jet-black hair.

  “Hi,” I said.

  “Do you have an appointment?”

  Floating to the desk, I shook my head. “No. I need to make one.”

  “Were you recommended by your healthcare provider?”

  I shook my head.

  The woman turned to face her computer screen. “Let me see what we have open.”

  “I was hoping I could get in today.” My voice muffled inside my head like I was having an out-of-body experience.

  Without taking her eyes from the screen, she tilted her head and paused. “The earliest I can do is three weeks from tomorrow.”

  “No.” I shook my head. “That’s too long.”

  The woman turned to me and frowned. “I’m sorry, but that’s the best I can do.”

  “I need help today.” My palm slammed down on top of the counter.

  The sound of a hammer echoed off the wall, filling the room with silence.

  The woman’s eyes grew wide.

  I stared at my hand, completely shocked at myself. What did I just do? I didn’t plan that. Didn’t mean to burst. It just happened. I snapped and couldn’t rewind to take it back.

  The door to the doctor’s office opened. A woman in heels stepped out. Her eyes were friendly, forgiving.

  “Are you Dr. Mikayla Hall?” I asked, sliding my red palm off the counter.

  “I am.” Her eyes flicked to her receptionist. She stepped to me, poised and professional. “What’s your name, sweetie?”

  “I need help.” My voice cracked when hearing the sudden admission of my mind breaking down. “Today. Now.”

  “I told her you weren’t free—”

  Dr. Hall held up her hand, silencing her staff before glancing at her watch. “Okay,” her eyes swept up to mine, “I have fifteen minutes before my next client arrives.”

  My shoulders relaxed. “Thank you.”

  9

  Kelly

  “We’re here, sir.”

  With my mind on last night’s sex, I rolled my eyes from the window and turned them to Maxwell.

  “Unless you changed your mind and would prefer I take you somewhere else?”

  Unbuckling my belt, I said, “No. This is where we begin our day.”

  Leaving the confines of my SUV, I told Maxwell to get himself a coffee at the local café a few blocks away, then I scampered into the office thinking back to when it was raided by the cops. Stepping inside, I could still smell their lingering scent.

  “Hey.” Giselle popped her head up from behind her desk.

  I glanced around the room, doing a quick inventory of what was left for us to work with.

  “They didn’t leave us much. Between the two of us, I’m sure we have enough to work with.” Her gaze followed mine.

  I lifted my focus to her. “How did your talk with Drake go?”

  Giselle raised her brows and sighed. Falling into her chair, she threaded her fingers over her stomach and stared at her desk. “Better than expected.” She flicked her eyes up to me. “I understand what he did, but I’m still pissed.”

  “You have every right to be.” I nodded.

  “Sucks to feel used.”

  “You have regrets getting rid of John?”

  She laughed. “Let’s not take it to the extreme.”

  “I do apologize.” I bowed, lightening the mood. Then I said in all seriousness, “We’re all given a clean slate to work with.”

  There were piles of papers stacked on her desk. Books had been reorganized on the shelves, and, as I glanced around the room, I began debating if it was worth all we were forced to endure.

  Giselle was staring. “What?” I asked.

  “I can’t believe you’re so calm.”

  Lowering my tailbone to the edge of her desk, I held her stare and shrugged.

  “Madam purposely placed you in situations she knew would make you look guilty.”

  My jaw ticked. “She probably did.”

  “And yet you’re acting like you have forgiven her.”

  I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth. “I won’t ever forgive her for what she did.”

  “Kelly,” Giselle leaned forward and placed one hand on my thigh, “I want to make her pay.”

  Staring into her hardened eyes, I said, “Then we have to find the evidence needed to get the prosecution to add murder charges to Madam’s trial.”

  Giselle tipped her head back slowly.

  “As of now, there isn’t a single strand of evidence to classify Nora’s and Patrick’s deaths as homicides.”

  “That was years ago, Kelly.” Giselle’s face pinched. “And I don’t mean that it should matter—”

  “I know. What I’m asking is a long shot, but I can’
t stop fighting.”

  The room fell silent.

  “I’ve been thinking about Kendra’s civil suit.” Giselle rolled her eyes back to me. “If Madam was funding the litigation, it should dry up now that she’s behind bars, leaving Kendra back to where she started before it was ever filed.”

  I nodded. “I told her that I would begin the paperwork to have it dismissed.”

  “Let me, Kelly.” Giselle tipped forward and touched my knee. “You have enough on your plate already. This is the least I can do. Save your energy for getting Madam on murder one charges. Your family deserves peace—and so do you.”

  Reaching for her hands, I brushed my thumb over her knuckles. “Thank you,” I whispered just as my desk phone started ringing.

  Hurrying to the back, I picked up the phone.

  “Kelly, it’s Wes.”

  Pinching my brows, I asked, “Why didn’t you call my cell?”

  Ignoring my inquiry, he said, “I heard the news.”

  When no words of congratulations were shared, I could only guess to what was actually on his mind. “Madam and Oscar were arrested by the FBI yesterday.”

  When I was met by more silence, I went on to explain how they were set to be arraigned today and that much of the drama was finished until they went to trial.

  The line remained silent.

  “What is it, Wes? Why aren’t you responding?”

  “I’m thinking about Mint.”

  My heart beat faster. Glancing to the door, I lowered my voice knowing exactly what he was referring to. “No one is speaking out.”

  “How can you be so certain?”

  Furrowing my brow, I wondered how Wes’s last twenty-four hours had gone compared to my own. “Has anyone spoken to you?”

  “No. Why? Should I be expecting a knock on my door?”

  I lowered my head into my hands and rubbed my pulsing temples. Thinking back to my interview with the FBI and with what they’d asked Kendra, I said, “Yeah.”